Dear Jimi

It has recently come to pass that a lot of Sports figures are getting in trouble. Some with the Law, some with infidelity (you know who you are). I figured I would offer my services for advice, guidance, and even a shoulder to cry on to the sports community. Amazingly I got plently of responses to what will inevitably be a weekly column...Dear Jimi. Names of the players have been omitted for legal reasons.

Dear Jimi,
I'm a 2 time SuperBowl winning QB who has no trouble attracting women despite a raggedy looking beard and "jowely" face. However I have a taste for college age women. I get older they stay the same age...you know how it works. How can I avoid getting in more trouble or even worse avoid not getting head from college chicks? I mean I did win TWO superbowls...
Sincerely,
Large and In Charge in the 'Burg

Dear Large,
This is surely a pressing issue but I assure you, you are not alone. Since the beginning of sports, men have used their success and Alpha Male prowess to bag women. Yet until the advent of Lawyers they never got in trouble! (ahh those were the days). Within your case there is another aspect as well, the advent of college. The ability to corral dozens of underage eligible women with loose morals into a party scenerio with alcohol had been the dream of men for centuries. Bravo! to those few who had the foresight to marry it with "education". Your specific affliction of wanting to return to those fruitful hunting grounds with even greater achievement than any current college male, although a shrewd move, is frowned upon in our society and punishable in many sports leagues (I believe curling still allows it). The specific name for your affliction is Ritson/Woolf Syndrome. It is name for its discoverer, Chris Woolf, and the test case Keith Ritson. Ritson would often return to college under the guise of his fraternity events and seduce women with money and knowledge of the "Real World." Very few college men can compete with that unless they can play Jack Johnson AND maybe some Dave Matthews on guitar. Fret not Large and In Charge! You have options...
1. Bang older chicks. I dont mean grannies or even milfs, but women of legal drinking age. I know its not veal, but its still steak.
2. Retire. If you were'nt a sports icon you wouldn't be catching too much flak for this. You've got 2 rings. Get a hobby. Maybe become a professor...
3. Dont Get Caught! Simple as it sounds it may involve changing venue's with an individual or several girls hand picked to willingly participate. Control the situation in short. Keep hope alive though! You are certainly living the dream. Trailblazers like yourself often catch heat for pioneering what we all wish we could do. Beware the Haters.
Sincerely,
Jimi

Jimi can be reached by any sports figure for advice at DearJimiNJ@gmail.com