Fantasy Football: The Hype Monger

So I play fantasy football…Only 3 leagues or so (for now). But the Hype of pre-draft research consumes me. I check sites, pre-rank, re-rank, and continuously reevaluate players before training camp even starts. If I was more committed I might just wear a Mel Kiper Jr. wig as I feel a relative kinship to his pre-nfl draft routine as to my fantasy leagues.

And I know what you’re thinking. Jimi, you are such a cool, hip, good looking, entertaining, well-endowed guy! Why do you waste so much of your uber-valuable time with fantasy football?

Well friend who is over-complementary (yet very good at building my confidence) I like the competitive aspect as well as having a good reason to watch games I wouldn’t usually watch. I do have some issues with it though which can best be conveyed in a Seinfeldian "Whats the Deal with that?" rant…

Why do they call it fantasy football (ovaltine)? Where are the endorsement deals, and commercial offers? Isn’t the fantasy to PLAY pro football? Not just sit around on the couch drinking beer and checking your iphone every 6 minutes to see if Peyton Manning threw for another 6 yards to make a bonus 2 points for you to win your week? Maybe it’s just me but when I first heard about it, images were evoked of all star teams battling on the grid iron, not hours spent surfing the internet to determine what round I should draft my 4^thrunning back (although its a great way to get away from you girlfriend for some "private internet time"). ===No honey, i'm sweaty from all the mock drafts I was involved in. The lotion on my hands? Wellllll i was doing a lot of clicking so i wanted to avoid dry skin. Yeah, sometimes I click lefty too. ===

The fact of the matter is I love hype. Because it allows me to mess with people. I love when 4 people say Shonn Greene is going to shred teams then I pipe up that LT "might steal a few TD's" and suddenly no one is into him anymore. The most fun is to plant the seed of doubt in someone and see them anguish over a pick in the tenth round when they will likely drop the guy in week 3 anyway. Things like "He's falling on the depth chart." "Did you see him in preseason?" and "the coach doesnt trust him in a big spot." People yell about stats over the past 5 years, strength of schedule, and contract year players. Maybe my biggest complaint is Where has the "fantasy" aspect gone? I should want to draft because i want to see him play well for me, just not because a guy had 1,150 yards vs the next guy who had 1,147 yards. I should want to draft Peyton Manning because dammit I love to see the guy compete, rather than waiting 6 rounds to roll the dice on a guy I will never watch. I should want to draft guys on my favorite team, instead of being chastised as "homer" for picking a guy I would prefer to watch score TD's for my real team and my fantasy team. Yet I still go with the stats, trends, and hype!

Maybe its just a guy thing that has evolved into an ultra-competitive money sport rather than the traditional sense of fantasy. Just because I like the Steelers and Ben "Rape-lisberger" doesn't mean I am stupid enough to draft him early while he sits a few games. When it comes down to it, the best fantasy football players are not likely to be ex-football players with passion for the game, but rather Wall Street types with no regard for the name on the jersey, ready to buy low and sell high (If you do it the other way you could work for AIG).

Luckily, the great equalizers are the players. After all that research, talking to friends about who they do and don't like, these million dollar athletes have to show up, stay healthy, and perform (sounds like what my girlfriend asks of me on a Friday night). Coaches call the plays, not us fans, and that makes it frustrating yet gripping. Because for every guy that wants the coach to go for it on 4th and 1 on the goal line, someone else has the teams kicker hoping to snag 3.

So as the Fantasy Football season nears, do your homework, say your prayers that the Injury fairy doesn't get her wings, and draft with your heart as well as your head. Its more fun that way and no one knows how guys are going to do year to year anyway! Gather with your friends in a dingy basement, wear similar clothing, and speak in terms no one else understands like ADP and PPR. After all, Fantasy football is just Dungeons and Dragons for jocks.