Fantasy Football: The Hype Monger

So I play fantasy football…Only 3 leagues or so (for now). But the Hype of pre-draft research consumes me. I check sites, pre-rank, re-rank, and continuously reevaluate players before training camp even starts. If I was more committed I might just wear a Mel Kiper Jr. wig as I feel a relative kinship to his pre-nfl draft routine as to my fantasy leagues.

And I know what you’re thinking. Jimi, you are such a cool, hip, good looking, entertaining, well-endowed guy! Why do you waste so much of your uber-valuable time with fantasy football?

Well friend who is over-complementary (yet very good at building my confidence) I like the competitive aspect as well as having a good reason to watch games I wouldn’t usually watch. I do have some issues with it though which can best be conveyed in a Seinfeldian "Whats the Deal with that?" rant…

Why do they call it fantasy football (ovaltine)? Where are the endorsement deals, and commercial offers? Isn’t the fantasy to PLAY pro football? Not just sit around on the couch drinking beer and checking your iphone every 6 minutes to see if Peyton Manning threw for another 6 yards to make a bonus 2 points for you to win your week? Maybe it’s just me but when I first heard about it, images were evoked of all star teams battling on the grid iron, not hours spent surfing the internet to determine what round I should draft my 4^thrunning back (although its a great way to get away from you girlfriend for some "private internet time"). ===No honey, i'm sweaty from all the mock drafts I was involved in. The lotion on my hands? Wellllll i was doing a lot of clicking so i wanted to avoid dry skin. Yeah, sometimes I click lefty too. ===

The fact of the matter is I love hype. Because it allows me to mess with people. I love when 4 people say Shonn Greene is going to shred teams then I pipe up that LT "might steal a few TD's" and suddenly no one is into him anymore. The most fun is to plant the seed of doubt in someone and see them anguish over a pick in the tenth round when they will likely drop the guy in week 3 anyway. Things like "He's falling on the depth chart." "Did you see him in preseason?" and "the coach doesnt trust him in a big spot." People yell about stats over the past 5 years, strength of schedule, and contract year players. Maybe my biggest complaint is Where has the "fantasy" aspect gone? I should want to draft because i want to see him play well for me, just not because a guy had 1,150 yards vs the next guy who had 1,147 yards. I should want to draft Peyton Manning because dammit I love to see the guy compete, rather than waiting 6 rounds to roll the dice on a guy I will never watch. I should want to draft guys on my favorite team, instead of being chastised as "homer" for picking a guy I would prefer to watch score TD's for my real team and my fantasy team. Yet I still go with the stats, trends, and hype!

Maybe its just a guy thing that has evolved into an ultra-competitive money sport rather than the traditional sense of fantasy. Just because I like the Steelers and Ben "Rape-lisberger" doesn't mean I am stupid enough to draft him early while he sits a few games. When it comes down to it, the best fantasy football players are not likely to be ex-football players with passion for the game, but rather Wall Street types with no regard for the name on the jersey, ready to buy low and sell high (If you do it the other way you could work for AIG).

Luckily, the great equalizers are the players. After all that research, talking to friends about who they do and don't like, these million dollar athletes have to show up, stay healthy, and perform (sounds like what my girlfriend asks of me on a Friday night). Coaches call the plays, not us fans, and that makes it frustrating yet gripping. Because for every guy that wants the coach to go for it on 4th and 1 on the goal line, someone else has the teams kicker hoping to snag 3.

So as the Fantasy Football season nears, do your homework, say your prayers that the Injury fairy doesn't get her wings, and draft with your heart as well as your head. Its more fun that way and no one knows how guys are going to do year to year anyway! Gather with your friends in a dingy basement, wear similar clothing, and speak in terms no one else understands like ADP and PPR. After all, Fantasy football is just Dungeons and Dragons for jocks.

Random Ramblings, Part 2

Whats up kids.  Not enough going on for a specific post, so I decided to go with some random ramblings.  NFL preview coming soon.

I could fall asleep on that.

1) This Reggie Bush shit is annoying.  There is absolutely no way the kid should have to give up his Heismann, and the Heismann committee should not be allowed to take it back.  I don't care if he took money, got his rent paid, got his bills paid, got free handjobs, whatever... he earned the Heismann on the field.  Agents didn't score his TDs for him.  Agents didn't break his big, exciting runs for him.  I understand the school giving their copy up.  They have to try to remove the stain of the events from their reputation.  Alot of sports writers and analysts are saying stripping him of his Heismann would "send a message" to other recruits in the future.  No, it won't.  If kids need money, and they're offered it, they're gonna take it.  Treating one athlete who made the mistake completely unfairly will not change that.  The idea of him having to give up his accolades that he EARNED for an immature mistake (that most of us would make, I might add) is bullshit to me.  The guy already lost Kim Kardashian's ass.  He's suffered enough.

2) This Ilya Kovalchuk situation... the NHL messed up.  Yea, so maybe the Devils were trying to skirt around the salary cap a little bit.  Isn't that what ownership is supposed to do?  Sure, the cap is there to even the field.  But realistically, no field is even.  If Kovalchuk & the Devils found a way to fulfill both of their needs without a blatant breaking of rules, what's wrong with that?  Plenty of teams have done similar things recently.  It's not like they signed him to the minimum and offered him cash under the table on the side.  That I could see shutting down.  Plus, who is the NHL to say that neither side reasonably believed it would finish out the length of the contract?  Maybe Kovalchuk wants to play until he's 44.  I'm just saying.  If what they did is completely unacceptable, make a rule against it (and i mean a real rule with solid boundaries and no grey area), and punish everyone else who's done something similar.  I applaud the Devils & Kovalchuk's people for finding a deal like this that worked for both sides.  The NHL people are just mad they found a way around things.  I hope the NHLPA decides to fight this.

3) Floyd Mayweather is officially a fucking pussy.  When this fight was initially gonna go down, I would've bet alot of money on Pretty Boy Floyd to win.  Now, if they end up fighting, you couldn't get me to bet on Mayweather no matter what the odds.  This whole fiasco just means to me that he's scared of Pacquiao and knows he'll lose.  At first, I was like, okay, you want this and you want that, Manny won't do it, so fuck him don't fight him.  But Manny's camp has now met Floyd's in the middle; in fact, they've almost come completely to Floyd's terms.  And he STILL won't agree to a fight.  He's barely even talking about it.  Now admittedly I'm not a huge boxing fan, but I'm pretty sure a win over Pacquiao would solidify Mayweather as one of the best fighters ever.  Now?  He's a mouthpiece with a real good record who backed down when it came time to define his career.  What a bitch.

Mayweather's nightmares.

4) Why doesn't T.O. have a job yet?  Seriously.  Why not.  All you Eagles fans can shut the fuck up for a second, and think realistically.  Numbers wise, the guy is one of the best ever to do it.  And he's not that old.  Is he really still that much a headcase?  It's a shame people don't forget stuff.  I think if a good team snatches him up, they can push themselves over the edge toward contention.  I just don't get why he's still jobless.  He's at least better than 50% of the WRs who have jobs in the NFL right now.  Even if he does occasionally cry.

5) These comments from Nick Saban, where he called agents "pimps", are just so fucking laughable to me.  First of all, Saban has been around football (and specifically college football) for awhile now.  I'm sure he's seen plenty of wrongdoing and turned his head to it.  Now suddenly he's on a high horse and is disgusted by these agents?  I'd be willing to bet some of them have helped him before.  And besides, the recruiting that him and his staff does... how is that any different from what the agents do?  Sure, he probably doesn't hand them cash, or cars, or jewelry, or whatever.  But he hands them a free education.  And free training to make the money to buy those things.  Saban is a hypocrite. 

6) Karl Malone has proven to me, once and for all, that he's a classless piece of shit.  As a kid, I always hated him while he was playing, but I figured it was just because I was an MJ & a Bulls fan.  Then he pulled a Lebron-and-Bosh before Lebron-and-Bosh and joined a Lakers team that was stacked with talent just to try and coast to a championship.  Karma got him on that one.  Then as I grew up I started to hear all the stuff about how he has kids that he refuses to acknowledge.  And I just read the final nail in the coffin for the Mailman.  He has selected Willis Reed to present him at his Hall of Fame induction next month.  WHAT?  When you think Karl Malone, what pops into your head?  Exactly.  John Stockton.  Now I'm not saying Karl isn't good, but you could argue that Stockton had as much to do with Karl's success as Malone himself did.  So why not Stockton?  Or AT LEAST Jerry Sloan?  Willis and Malone never played together; Reed retired 10 years before Malone entered the NBA.  Karl's reasoning?  "He grew up 5 miles from me" and "I've always respected him."  So why not pick the guy who pumps gas in your neighborhood.  If I'm Stockton, I take this as a slap in the face.  You stay classy, Karl Malone.

I'm done.  Tune in soon for my NFL preview. 

Beisbol Has Been Berry Berry Good To Me.

First off... sorry it's been so long.  Had alot of shit going on.  I promise to be back more regularly.  I know you missed me.


For my triumphant return, I'd like to take a look at my preseason MLB predictions and see how I'm faring so far.  Read it real quick, brush up on what I said, and prepare to be amazed.  Basically, this will mostly serve as a way for me to prove I'm smarter than you, and most of the sportswriters you like to follow.  That way, you'll keep coming back here, and I'll have you right where I want you.



Let's break this down by division and compare my predictions with the actual current standings.  Then I'll throw a couple comments in there, give a revised decision if necessary, say who I think is the most important player in the division for the 2nd half, and grade myself based on how well my predictions match up.


AL EAST:

Sick:       Yanks, Red Sox, Rays, O's, BJs
Current:  Yanks, Rays, Red Sox, BJs, O's

My thoughts:  Mostly how I imagined it.  The Yanks are in 1st, as they should be.  I knew the Rays would be good (I said I thought they were a top 5 team in all of baseball), but I also said I didn't think they'd last in the top 2 of this division.  I still don't.  As of now, Boston is only 3 games behind them.  And as much as I despise the Sox, they have had the worst run of injuries I've ever seen.  Once they get healthy (if they do) the Rays are in trouble.  Especially since I see them making a move before the trade deadline.  And even moreso because Big Sloppy is somehow back from the dead.  As for the bottom of the division, I'll admit 2 things.  First, I gotta give the BlowJays some credit.  I expected them to really fall apart, and somehow they've actually been decent.  Vernon Wells almost earned a couple dollars of his enormously bad contract.  Second, the Orioles are wayyyy worse than I thought they'd be.  No clue what I was thinking.  One of the worst squads I've seen in my life.
Revision?  Not really.  The Yanks will still win this division.  The Sox will eventually take 2nd and the Wild Card.  Consider this:  the Rays have been perfect-gamed twice in a year (by Mark Buehrle last year and fucking Dallas Braden this year) AND were no-hit by Edwin Jackson earlier this season as well.  That doesn't seem to be a team ready to win it all to me.
Most important 2nd half player:  Joba.  The Yanks need to solidify their bullpen.  Their offense, starting pitching, and Mo have been just fine.  Gotta bridge that gap.
My grade:  A

AL CENTRAL:
Sick:       White Sox, Tigers, Twins, Indians, Royals
Current:  White Sox, Tigers, Twins, Royals, Indians
My thoughts:  Eerily similar, isn't it?  You can commence blowing me virally at any moment.  Seriously though... so far, the AL Central is making me look like Sicktradamus.  It's very, very close at the top right now, but I think the White Sox can hold it off.  The deciding factor will probably be if one (or more) of the top 3 make a move.  I think it'll be like a domino effect though; if one of them does some sort of roster shuffle, the other 2 will try to follow suit to keep up.  I also want to give myself a big pat on the back for specifically mentioning that I thought Alex Rios would have a great year.  His current numbers?  Batting .305, 15 HR, 49 RBI, 23 SB.  I'd say a .300/30HR/100RBI/40SB season isn't out of reach, and I'd also say I was right.
Revision?  No way.  I hit the nail on the head so far with this division.  Gotta stick with my gut.
Most important 2nd half player:  Mark Buehrle & Gavin Floyd.  Especially with Peavy going down.  The Sox need their starters to hold up in order to hold on to their lead.
My grade:  A++++

AL WEST:

Sick:       Rangers, Mariners, Angels, A's
Current:  Rangers, Angels, A's, Mariners
My thoughts:  Seriously, you can stop bowing to me.  Just finish reading and then worship.  This was a division that nearly everyone in the world was calling for the Mariners, and the few people who weren't were saying LA.  Well fuck you all.  I knew this Texas offense would be serious.  I even specifically predicted that the Rangers would make a major move for a pitcher... and they went and got Cliff Lee, the trade deadline's biggest catch.  I'll admit I drank the Mariners Kool-Aid a little bit, picking them to finish 2nd, but hey I'm still mostly human.  And I always foolishly underestimate Mike Scioscia.  However, him and the rest of the Angels brass underestimated my favorite ballplayer ever, Vlad the Impaler, and now he's helping their rivals beat them.  I said in my preview I'd take an aging Vlad 11 times out of 10 over Hideki Matsui, and I still stand by it.
Revision?  Not at the top.  I still think the Rangers win out, especially with the Lee addition strengthening their pitching staff.  But I expect the Mariners to stay on the bottom, so I was a little off there.
Most important 2nd half player:  It's too obvious to say Cliff Lee, so I'm gonna go with Josh Hamilton.  Seems to me that as he goes, so goes this offense.  If they score runs like they can when he's hot, they're tough to beat.
My grade:  A-


NL EAST:
Sick:       Phils, Marlins, Braves, Mets, Nats
Current:  Braves, Mets, Phils, Marlins, Nats
My thoughts:  No one saw this one coming.  While I will pat myself on the back for predicting the Braves would put a scare into the Phils, I also didn't think it would be a legitimate threat.  Congrats to Bobby Cox, even though I'm pretty sure he's an Avatar at this point and some young manager is controlling his body.  I thought the Marlins would be better, but aside from Josh Johnson (the best pitcher in baseball?), they're pretty much worthless.  Someone needs to smack Hanley Ramirez around a little bit and get him motivated.
Revision?  A little bit.  I still see the Phils pulling it together.  That offense is just too good.  I doubt it'll be by the at-least-7-game margin I had foreseen, however.  The Marlins disappoint me & definitely won't finish anywhere near the top 3 here.  If the Mets make a major pitching move (Dan Haren?), they'll battle with the Braves right down to the wire for 2nd.  I think the Wild Card probably comes from here.
Most important 2nd half player:  Gotta be Billy Wagner.  Now I didn't think he was entirely done... but I didn't think he had this much left in him.  20 saves, 5 wins, 56 K and 20 H in 37.1 IP, 1.21 ERA, and only 3 BS.  If he keeps that up, the Braves will, too.
My grade:  B-

NL CENTRAL:

Sick:       Cards, Brewcrew, Cubs, Reds, Stros, Pirates
Current:  Reds, Cards, Brewcrew, Cubs, Stros, Pirates
My thoughts:  Another one that very few people saw coming... maybe even moreso.  I said the Reds would be decent, but would underachieve.  So far they've overachieved like a motherfucker.  They're only one game up on St. Louis though, which to me means that they are one major injury or one serious Cardinals run away from blowing it.  I did say the Cubs would implode completely, and at 11 games under .500 with a continuing Zambrano situation, they certainly have.  The Brewers disappoint me and really aren't in the hunt here at all.  Yea, a great offense, but it's not doing them much good.
Revision?  Not so much.  I'll stick with the Cards winning eventually, but much props the Reds so far.  If they can keep it up they'll really make it hard for the Cards.  Personally I think they'll end up 6 or 7 games behind St. Louis.
Most important 2nd half player:  The whole Reds squad.  I just don't see it happening.  I hope they prove me wrong.
My grade:  C

NL WEST: 
Sick:        Rockies, Dodgers, Giants, DBacks, Padres
Current:  Padres, Dodgers, Rockies, Giants, DBacks
My thoughts:  Wow.  Seriously?  The Padres?  I say it's a fluke.  Don't know how the fuck they've managed to hang around like this.  But the Dodgers & Rockies are both only 2 games back, and the Giants are within 4.  I was way off on the Padres though... even if they don't end up at the top of this division, I said they'd battle for the worst record in baseball.  And you wonder why I saved this division for last.
Revision?  Partially, but not at the top.  I'm going to stick with the Rockies winning.  But I do foresee the Padres continuing to give them trouble.  This might be another division that'll come down to trades.  One of these teams COULD win the Wild Card... but I'll say it'll probably be an NL East team.
Most important 2nd half player:  Every Rockies pitcher that isn't Jimenez.  A couple of those guys gotta step up and help him shoulder the load.
My grade:  B-

Overall, I'll give myself an A-.  I nailed the AL, which is really all that matters because who truly gives a fuck about the NL.  And even the stuff I missed in the NL is because of some serious surprises.  The Reds, Braves, and Padres as division leaders?  If you can find me just ONE 2010 MLB preview that predicted that, I'll buy the guy a case of beer.  I'm still proud of myself for the Rangers/White Sox calls.  Don't think I deserve an A-?  Fuck you.  I'm the one doing the grading here.


My other predictions were mostly shit, but whatever.  Halladay could still win the NL Cy Young, but it'll probably be Ubaldo "Where the fuck did I come from" Jimenez or Josh Johnson.  Greinke is definitely not winning the AL one;  if i had to re-choose I'd say Lester, CC, or Cliff.  I'll still pick a non-Pooholes player to win NL MVP, and while I am not too confident of ARod winning in the AL that is very up-in-the-air right now.  And Cano will still win the AL batting title.  I have to be right on that eventually. Oh yea... and it's going to be hilarious when Ron Washington wins AL Manager of the Year the same year he admitted he was a blowhound.


I'm still standing by my Yanks/Rangers/Cards/Phils final 4, with the Yanks honoring the late great Mr. Steinbrenner and repeating at the expense of the Cardinals.  We'll see. 


See you at the ballgame.