Friday, September 3, 2010

AFC North - Rapists, Murderers, and Thugs in general

AFC North Preview
I'm already behind my quota, so I'm going to need to decrease the length of these, which in all honesty is something I should have done anyway. Much like my fiance says, if it takes longer than five minutes, I must be doing something wrong (she doesn't say that - sorry honey... also, she doesn't read this anyway, so I'm secretly not sorry at all).

The AFC North has recently been the hotspot for criminal activities. It all started with Ray Lewis straight up murdering someone nearly a decade ago. From there the disease spread to the Bengals, where it manifested in a variety of hosts, and now it seems to have even spread to the Steelers, who were once the "high character" franchise of the NFL, looking down upon the others in their division like a hybrid driving, pea-coat-wearing hipster when he sees me climbing out of my giant SUV wearing a cutoff t-shirt and zubaz.

America - Fuck Yeah!

Baltimore Ravens:

I like the Ravens this year.... a lot. I think they're going to be dominant. So dominant that they're my pick to represent the AFC in the Super Bowl this year. Flacco (a fellow Udel Alumni-represent!) has all the tools he needs to succeed in this league, and the Ravens have finally thrown him a bone by adding Boldin, a WR that I believe is one of the most underrated in the league. With the offense becoming a legitimate threat, even if the defense regresses, and Ed Reed misses significant time, this team is going to be incredibly dangerous. The only thing that worries me is the depth at a few positions (mostly in the secondary) but honestly, they could throw Danny Tanner at corner and not experience a huge drop off.

Jason Sehorn 2.0

Prediction:

It's never easy playing in a competitive division, and the AFC East has some tough teams as well. Every single game on their schedule is certainly "winnable" and I think they win most of them. They go 12-4 and earn a first round bye on their way to another Super Bowl appearance.

Cincinnati Bengals

It may surprise some of you to hear that the Bengals are on a make or break year with Carson Palmer - they have a talented defense, a resurging RB, a duo of talented WR's, and a decent line. There is simply no excuse left for Palmer to not put up numbers and make this a winning football team. If he struggles, I think the Bengals draft an heir-apparent early next year. However, I don't think that will be a problem. Adding TO was a great move - as an Eagles fan, I hate TO with a passion, but I think people would be remiss to assume that he is done as a football player. Honestly, how many WR's would have thrived in Buffalo last year? Maybe 3 or 4 in the entire league? TO may not be a top 5 WR any more, but he's certainly still talented enough to be a productive WR, especially when lined up across from Ocho Cinco. Assuming Cedric Benson can be productive, the Bengals will be a danger on the field rather than off.

Prediction:

As talented as the Bengals are, they have a rough schedule, and they aren't quite as good as the Ravens. I think they'll finish above .500, but not by much. They go 9-7 this year.

Cleveland Browns

The Browns are pretty awful. Their plan to fix their issues is to bring in a QB who had the worst post season game in NFL history a couple years back, and followed that up by throwing 18 Int's compared to 8 TD's last season. That's like fixing your broken leg by getting hit by a bus.

Relax. I'm a doctor.

Many people like to point out that they won their last four games last year, but I like to point out that they finished last and second to last in offensive and defensive yards last year. The good news is that they can run the ball, have some talent along the offensive line, and as bad as Delhomme was last year, he can't be much worse than anything they had before.

Prediction:

They go 3-13 this year. Better luck next year.

Pittsburgh Steelers

The Steelers are one of those teams that are really impossible to predict this year. Their defense is still going to be completely nasty this year, but can you honestly tell me that Dennis Dixon is going to lead them to a respectable record in those first 4 games? Even if they manage to go 2-2 over the opening (they won't), they're in a tough division, and you'd have to assume Roethlisberger is coming back a bit rusty. I suppose in the long run, this may be good for Pittsburg - they'll get back to their smashmouth roots, and by the time Roethlisberger is coming around, they'll be pushing for a playoff spot.

Prediction:

They will certainly be a dangerous team as they close out the year, but that 1-3 start will kill them. 7-9 finish, and they miss the playoffs.

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