I'm in Miami, bitch

it's super bowl time... and for 2 weeks we've been hearing nothing but football analysis.  the saints will win because of this, the colts must do this, player x is the most important, blah fucking blah, ad nauseam.  personally, i think it's more important to break a game like this down BEYOND x's and o's.  for example... which guys have the hotter wives/girlfriends?  in a stressful situation like this, the type of pussy you go home to is of the utmost importance.  why, you ask?  because winners get laid.  and believe you me, if was going home to this...

i'd be playing my ass off (no pun intended).  seriously.  look at that fucking ass.  if i were reggie, i'd be killing myself to be MVP... just so i can go home, balance my trophy on that dinner-table-booty, and bust a double horizontal.  now lets compare this to a colts players' wife...



dallas clark's wife looks like the girl in the sorority who'd suck your dick just so you'd pay attention to her.  and you still wouldn't pay attention.



even the saints' COACH has a hotter wife.  now we all know why jim caldwell never smiles.  (*seriously, never.  i typed in "jim caldwell" in a google image search looking for a photo of him even sorta smiling.  and i didn't find one until the 7th page of results.  i'm not kidding) on the other hand, i would destroy sean payton's wife.  and just so she felt at home, i'd cum a little fleur-de-lis on her chest.

advantage: saints

next, let's look at the cities these teams come from.  indianapolis blows.  aside from the colts, what do they do there?  pumpkin seed spitting contests?  it's amazing the people there support the colts at all considering football games don't involve potato sack races or nascar.  new orleans, on the other hand, is(was) gorgeous.  if you like swimming.  ok, ok, i'm kidding kind of.  but 11 times out of 10 i'd rather be in new orleans looking at underage girls flashing their tits for beads.

advantage: saints

that's 2-0 saints.  does that mean you're going to pick the saints, rick?  absolutely the fuck not.  i was just pointing out that new orleans is alot cooler than indianapolis, and that i want to lick kim kardashian's cornhole.  i don't really think the saints have a chance.  that football bullshit DOES matter... peyton is incredible.

plus, the colts have a haitian on their team, and as we've all seen the last few weeks americans care alot more about the haitian earthquake than they ever did about hurricane katrina.  (call me a dick, but i'm right.  did you text a donation to new orleans?  i thought so.  insensitive bastards.)  final call?  colts 38, saints 31.  i think someone on the colts defense is going to go completely bucknutty (mathis? brackett?) and possibly win the mvp (though it'll be hard NOT to give it to peyton).


enjoy the game, motherfuckers.