In honor of the XXI Winter Olympic Games that open tonight in Vancouver, BC, Canada, I have compiled a list of the top 10 reasons you should all watch Olympic hockey*.
I present reasons 1 - 5.*Men's hockey, let's be serious here.
#1 - See the best athletes in the world compete
It's a generic reason but no bullshit I get goosebumps at the idea of being able to represent your country on the world's stage. Standing up and accepting a medal for your country has to be the satisfactional equivalent to a rim job (giving or receiving - your choice).
#2 - See hockey in a venue where people actually give a shit
I'm a staunch hockey fan, but let's be honest - hockey fans in the US are slightly embarrassing. Especially as a Devils fan, I unfortunately know all about this. There is unfortunately a long list of awful things the US gives more of a shit about than hockey. To watch Olympic hockey, you get to see the best of the best cheered on by fans who not only CARE about their teams but have traveled around the globe to cheer their nation on. That makes me wet.
#3 - Watch countries like Switzerland, Norway, Latvia and Belarus get FUCKED
Between these 4 teams there are only 10 NHL players to their credit COMBINED. That's out of like 90 men on their collective rosters. Ew. Yeah, yeah, I can hear it now "Oh meh gosh, they must be good if they qualified for the Olympics." And yes, I am aware that some phenomenal players play over in Europe and no, I'm not so ethnocentric to believe that you must play in the US to be good. But really? Do you see the tiny land-locked European nation of Belarus doing anything? Fuck it, how many of you have ever even heard of Belarus? I'm an elementary school teacher and I had to Google it just to see where the hell it was. I respect it and am happy for them to be there, but Rule of Thumb: If I don't know where your country is in the world, you're not a threat in Olympic hockey.
Belarus - I just saved you a google search. You're welcome.
#4 - Can Sweden defend the gold?
Henrik. Lundqvist. His performance in 2006 was nothing short of brilliant. Unfortunately for Team Swede, he's been a NY Ranger for the past 4 years and that has surely taken a toll on his manhood. Fortunately, they're bringing back a lot of the key players from that team in Torino to Vancouver. The Canucks are sending back the Sedin brothers; Detroit is also sending back their power lineup of Zetterberg, Holstrom, and Lidstrom. Most notable addition: Nicklas Backstrom from the Capitals. He is currently 3rd in the league in points and is having a year making a name for himself and is sure to be a nice addition to an already strong lineup.
#5 - The forwards on the Russian team
Ovechkin, Kovalchuk, Malkin, Afinogenov, Semin, Datsyuk, and even former-superstar Sergei Fedorov. Fuck me. Those are some of the absolute top names in offense in the NHL, 3 of them are in the top 10 in goals in the league. And they are all suiting up for Russia. Sure the other 5 are European league players, but this is the former USSR we’re talking here. They probably eat metal and shit glass before the games to get ready too. Watch this team for some explosives on offense this year.
"Who wants vodka?"
"HEELLLL YEEEEEEEEAH!"
The Olympic opening ceremonies are tonight, the real games (eh hem... men's hockey) don't start until Tuesday the 16th.
Henrik. Lundqvist. His performance in 2006 was nothing short of brilliant. Unfortunately for Team Swede, he's been a NY Ranger for the past 4 years and that has surely taken a toll on his manhood. Fortunately, they're bringing back a lot of the key players from that team in Torino to Vancouver. The Canucks are sending back the Sedin brothers; Detroit is also sending back their power lineup of Zetterberg, Holstrom, and Lidstrom. Most notable addition: Nicklas Backstrom from the Capitals. He is currently 3rd in the league in points and is having a year making a name for himself and is sure to be a nice addition to an already strong lineup.
#5 - The forwards on the Russian team
Ovechkin, Kovalchuk, Malkin, Afinogenov, Semin, Datsyuk, and even former-superstar Sergei Fedorov. Fuck me. Those are some of the absolute top names in offense in the NHL, 3 of them are in the top 10 in goals in the league. And they are all suiting up for Russia. Sure the other 5 are European league players, but this is the former USSR we’re talking here. They probably eat metal and shit glass before the games to get ready too. Watch this team for some explosives on offense this year.
"Who wants vodka?"
"HEELLLL YEEEEEEEEAH!"
The Olympic opening ceremonies are tonight, the real games (eh hem... men's hockey) don't start until Tuesday the 16th.
Stay tuned for reasons 6 - 10 in coming days.
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